it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
