I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This baby is an asshole
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
