We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
