That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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