You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
