All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
