Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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