i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
