Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
