the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
