id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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