God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
