i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
