I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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