The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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