I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
