I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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