I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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