mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
