Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
