whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
