I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
