1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
