Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
