Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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