Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
