my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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