Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i've created a new STD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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