not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
