my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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