You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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