I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
