whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
