best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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