do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
