And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
