I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
