Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Bring me that man meat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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