i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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