i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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