Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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