Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
