You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
