New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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