I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
