Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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