so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They took my balls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
