allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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