I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
