We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
