He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
