i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
