WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
